Weeks of planning and days of making my “to do” lists and still I wonder, could this be anymore difficult? I mentioned in my last post that I was on the quest to make myself stressed, in the good way, and of course, although it didn’t backfire, I am stressed in the “other” way. Not the bad way either. I’m in the, “what next?” phase. I enrolled my oldest in gymnastics for 4 to 7 year olds, which is nothing like it sounds, it’s more hopping on one and two feet and building stamina and balance. Yes, my little guy commented on this to his coach. “Uh excuse me, when can we do the gymnastics part?” he asked her. I saw the “don’t you dare” gaze she gave him. I hope she saw me see her give him that look. I digress, so gymnastics on Wednesday afternoons, soccer Monday mornings, LOTS and LOTS of walks, and of course my commitment to writing. And then it happened. The it, being my husband working out of town leaving me and the boys together for what feels like endless weeks without a break, my youngest contracted a chest infection and has also recently decided that sleep is overrated, especially during the wee hours of prime sleep time, (like two o’clock in the morning), and I of course had to commit myself to being part of my strata council as the President. Nice.
So, I guess I need to revise my plans a little. This getting into a routine business is harder than I had anticipated. While my kids thrive with a well laid out schedule as much as the next kid, it’s also hard to commit to that schedule. Sometimes I don’t want to get out of my pyjamas, and sometimes I really don’t feel the great need to go for a two hour walk in our mountain hilly area with 70 some odd pounds of kids in my stroller (pushing uphill no less). Sometimes,
I want to sit on my butt, drink raspberry cream coffee until noon and read a magazine, the newspaper, a chapter out of a book and write something completely useless. It’s a commitment thing. I can commit to loving my kids, always making time for them in some way or another. I can commit to making sure we all eat. I commit to making sure our bills are paid, teeth are brushed and we’re generally happy and healthy. I don’t have a problem with commitment, I think it’s consistency that is my enemy.
I recently finished a parenting class offered here in my little community. It was a good class. One of the topics was all about our consistency as parents. We discussed schedules, eating routines, bedtime routines and discipline. All of which, and I can say this honestly, we are very consistent with. The facilitators asked us what areas we thought we could be more consistent with, so as to better prepare our children for outcomes and to also build trust and dependability. I didn’t have an answer. It’s not that I think we’re perfect, but I just thought in that area we were pretty much, well, good. Being into my fourth week since I quit my job (still happy about my decision), I have realized that my kids were used to me coming home from work, cooking supper, having a quick play session, giving them their baths and putting them to bed after a nice long story. They have no idea what to expect from me now, after all, I haven’t been home ALL day , EVERY day with them since they were little loaves of bread that squawked and giggled. They have no idea what to expect and I have no idea what they need in their day to fill their little “love cups”. How many times can I play BATMOM and be a car track in a day? How many walks can I go on, and how many crafts can I make before they start to overrun my garage and house? It’s not that I don’t enjoy these things, I really do. I just don’t know when enough will be enough for them, when they will feel like this is their “normal” life? It’s almost as if they haven’t wired themselves that I’m staying home with them now. It’s like everyday is a Sunday morning, totally spontaneous, loud, full of laundry, messy breakfast dishes and random play, crafts and goofing around. Maybe it’s me that needs the consistency more than they do. Maybe I would feel more organized or in control of things if I had a HAVE TO FOLLOW routine for them and for me. This spontaneity is nice but it can’t be Sunday all the time.
I have a new commitment, my commitment is to consistency. Yes, you heard me. I will commit myself to being consistent with my kids and myself. If that means that we all get up at 6 and do YOGA then so be it, if it means we will have “work” time in the afternoons then I’m game! Let’s see how this pans out.
Schedule to follow.